so it was a wish not come true..

ok.. so i guess my number 1 wish for christmas didn't come true.. i didn't retrieve my 11B, Penn deferred me, sending me into a frenzy to apply for universities now and making me really stressed out over the whole event, and finally, I can't drive my dad's car to office tommorow liao...

oh well.. ya know something? i was surprisingly relaxed over the whole driving test thing considering how my sis was trying to prep my humongous ego from crashing when I most likely would fail, and how I reacted over Penn's deferrment.. really, i thank God for the fact for the church retreat, as well as my semi-meltdown over Penn, cos if not for that then maybe I'll really be crying by now... haha

but i actually don't think it's a big deal now lah... not trying to console myself, but think really there's no point getting frustrated over such stuff, but just let God lead... yeah, let Go and let God...

still need to work on the universities applications considering how scaringly near Jan 1 deadline is... sigh.. the hating of myself continues everytime I realise I have to rush report stuff and waste even more money.. but as I get more frustrated, I really again, thank God for the fact that He dropped friends around me who cared, called and unknownwingly consoled me over this semi-depression. =)

ok.. so now December is winding up, I'm all ready to enjoy Christmas! So soon leh... amidst my frustrations and worries I didn't even realise it! oh well.. i'll try to enjoy it amongst the piling admissions =)

disclaimer: to those who read this and think I'm going crazy or suffering from breakdown and start to console me or what, please don't. i'm not. it's just.. if you know me well enough, I ain't a person who goes around flinging my true emotions everywhere and hence I always just either project a stressed/aloof/sian mood...

for those who wanna gloat about my "failures", aiyah go on... the fact that I reported I failed my driving on my blog sort of already helped me break my ego barrier slightly, something which I am trying to learn daily and slowly change... that I'd be less arrogant and more dependent on God and to really open up..