the little irritating things of frank

i can be so subconsciously arrogant and obnoxious. like i can just talk and talk about how expert I am about stuff and how good I am about using this and this hero and so on so forth till i reach ownage... then when i play i kena frag like mad and i really feel quite shitty.

i dunno when to shut up. i can complain and whine so much people irritate me just to see my reaction. point has been proven over and over again. it's like a perennial "tease frank" session, and see who can say stuff and do stuff that really pisses frank off.

i think everything is about ME. point proven with the above two points. not only that, I want people to think everything is about ME. perhaps that's why I whine so much, to get attention and be the ultimate media whore that I desire to be. I like to be in the limelight and be in the constant midst of friends.

i'm so insecure. i live and breathe for recognition from people, for people to affirm me and what the shit. i think I am so darn smart with my assesing of people and how i can observe social lines and manipulate. yet, I'm the greatest sucker for emotional manipulation and blackmail cos I willingly do it to feel more secure with friends. I can waste the most time, do the stupidest things detrimental to myself just to get a form of recoginition from friends.

am i pathetic or what?

sigh. thanks for showing me my flaws the past few days. like how i always agree with people just to ensure I don't end up at the wrong side of a conversation. like how i think everything is about myself.

appreciate that.

but.. ouch.

and honestly, maybe i should quit the whole dota thing. I've hit a glass ceiling. I played for so fricking long liao and I still suck like shit. says alot doesn't it? there's like NO WAY i am going to be able to play as well or farm as well or whatever as well as so on so. so i kena OWNED. i can know every single character and the likes of them but what the hell? i get killed like nothing like that and get accused for kio-sai and not cooperating with the team.

same with table soccer.

sigh. and now i'm getting more and more worried with my school applications. keep getting letters telling me to send important documents that are missing when I have already sent it out. what's wrong this time?

am i really not going to get to any school?

am i such an ugly person that i am perceiving?

-moody-