ok... i'm turning into some crazed addict to winter sonata, watching 5 - 6 episodes at one go today... well thankfully i only borrowed CD 1-4.. or i think i'll be watching till tommorow...
always thought winter sonata was dreary, sickening, and made for aunties...
guess i have to swallow my words now.. it's quite interesting lah, and I guess for me being the sentimentalist, that part of me likes to watch such stuff and get all emotional about the "trysts" in their love adventure...
koreans are good at factoring little twists and turns in their tales and it really makes you wanna keep watching it seems...and they play on your emotions darn darn well, even though the premises are pretty absurd.
oh well.. i'm glad i had this hiatus, though I didn't do much, I realised I'm no longer hopelessly dependent on going out with friends or so on to sustain my cheery outlook on life... and for that I really thank God man...
have to head back to work soon... I'm glad I'm re-energised for this.. hopefully can tackle all the crap problems and enjoy life till the dour reality of having to pass SOC and IPPT sets in... what an escapist i am...
heard from a friend abt a fellow officer who kena charged for faking SOC results... it saddens me deeply. why? cos he might kena decommission for this kind of thing, imagine the crap he went through to get the bar, the joy and emotions he experienced during the time... and it's all sent crashing to the ground.
and seriously? I don't blame him.. (or any of the regulars).. cos the army is like that. they talk all about results and so on, emphasize so much on them and laud it so much that people are forced either by hook or by crook to pass it or else their job is at stake. when seriously, who the heck in command has time to properly train for SOC? I mean, aside from the shit paperwork and coping with a handful of men who give your trouble every other day, from having to do IO reports, plan lesson plans, attend a myriad of meetings and talks.. who has the time to "maintain" whatever glittering results they once acheived?
tell me of one job that places such inordinately hugh amount of importance and value to a non-job related aspect that seriously doesn't quite factor in sometimes man. I think not.
oh well.. i'm griping cos this has been what I've been feeling all the way. And I don't deny this is getting to me as well. All the crapshit about officer having to set an example, to lead and excel... all these are stuff WE emburden ourselves with, WE are afraid to lose our pride in front of our men in case we look less convincing when we next tell them to do well for their SOCs themselves. WE who feel that we must do the best ourselves.
but how to? I suck at SOC. I have no chance to train. Truth is, I'm afraid to train with the rest of the battalion lest they can see how badly I suck. as an officer. It comes down to pride right? too bad it ain't just mine that I'm harming if I flop terrifically at the low wall or what. but what can I do? Do I have another alternative?
I dunno. I just pray for tolerance and understanding. I just pray that my pride will stop being a stumbling block for me even training. It really doesn't make any sense for me to just sit back and escape.
oh well.. escape back to winter sonata that is...
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