perspective

somehow, the world seems slightly gloomier than two days ago. haiz. pressure is getting to me i guess.

sometimes, i wonder what scholarship boards saw in each of us. and wanted each of us to accomplish. sometimes, i wonder whether it was actually a good thing to have gotten a scholarship. a scholarship ain't just meaning money to go overseas, though that's a large part i guess. a scholarship wasn't the 'easy' means i envisioned when I set my mind that I wanted to come over.

a scholarship carries much more baggage than that - expectations, pressure, loss of choice and more.

sometimes, i wonder if it is worth it. when you suddenly realise you only get to live uni life once, you only get one chance to live your 20th year in your life once. then, maybe your perspective will change. i think it's a tremendous struggle.

all in all, life is largely what you choose to make of it. and you only get today once. yet people, especially yours truly, can't seem to grasp this fact or internalize this fully to appreciate and direct life in the correct direction. God.. what is my path ultimately?

*postscript: i am not depressed, nor suicidal or what. just musing. =)