i wonder...

disclaimer: yet another rant

sometimes i really wonder about this whole psych schamltz. i hate this whole collectivist thinking because it kills, it destroys individuality and it unconsciously shapes your own decisions and you become convinced it is your own interests.

then when there are occasions when you honestly cannot reconcile with the group-event at hand, you feel discomfort and well.. the collectivist ideal forces you to be nice and not be like a fricking child and stalk off. is that maturity? i doubt it. sometimes i envy those who can just stalk off and indulge in their own worlds or whatever, but i can't, because I've become so enmeshed and in need of societal support that it sucks.

i want my individuality back. yet. i dare not. yet this was the precise thing I was determined to establish when i envisioned my varsity life. what happened?

sigh. it's always a case of disappointed and unfulfilment of dreams.

-confused-