blog revamp

you know, i've been wondering what my blog is accomplishing these few days. with my tag board defunct and me honestly not caring to get another, and with absolutely no comments for any posts whatsoever.. i'm starting to wonder whether i'm talking to myself to a wall or something. well, i do know this is a portal for people in singapore to get a glimpse of my life, and yeah, it gives me a chance to reflect on life, and respond to what God wants me to do in my life.

more and more, I become conflicted of whether to write my deepest thoughts and my quiet time reflections about God and about issues, considering how exposed they will make me. but honestly, i think I'll be more of a blessing sharing stuff important to me, than to hide everything. so yeah.. this is the tone i'll adopt.

if you wonder why the previous post was brief and not in depth in anyway, well it's cos i was conflicted in what to include and what to not.

thing is, I felt absolutely blessed and in fact a little ashamed that God acceded to my insecurities and pleas to 'fit in' and to experience the 'American life' -- something that seems to me so fake, shallow and just, insecure. honestly, i thank God again and again for just giving me this opportunity that though the activities mean nothing much, and the stuff i did seem commonplace, but somewhat whole a huge significance in my life.

you see, I came to America with silly motives. one was (literally) to join survivor and amazing race and win. another was bcos I want to take other courses besides my own major. the finally, I think one I refused to admit was that I was enamoured with the american lifestyle. it's something you want to feel 'entitled' and to be connected with. so yeah, 3 meaningless, senseless reasons brought me to the states.

but then, things became pretty clear that no. 2 was not gonna be possible. and as I sank deeper and deeper into my psychological quagmire of the singaporean community in Cornell, i realised how my life was so out of America despite physically being there. I had practically no non-Asian friends/acquaintances and yeah, didn't even need to talk to anyone within my own secure bubble. so there goes no. 1 and 3.

but then this semester made me realise why God brought me to US -- it was to reconcile with my own thoughts of Christianity and for me to mature spiritually. left to my own devices, i owe it to everyone's prayers and God's grace that I actually never left God despite so many distractions.

God showed me so many amazing things in US. He exposed my insecurities in fellowship, with the sad conclusion of FCS and my lack of attendance until this semester. He told me how America might seem decadent and no longer God-fearing on the media, but that it was a nation of opportunity, of God-fearing people, of worship, spiritual growth and such great Christian network. Finally I realised why I had come - the opportunities were so great - the Ivy Congress, next week's New Attitude, the great people I met and will be meeting. And honestly, I thank God constantly whenever I worship in the different churches across America and the world that I have experience because I truly feel and understand what it means to be part of God's great family.

which leads me to the trip to Franklin, something completely random and honestly, pretty wierd. I came from Cornell, attending the Ivy Congress, Andrew pretty much crashed the Congress after his global health seminar, coming from UNC Chapel Hill. So yeah, we met at Yale, talked for one night and then in a few months I flew over to visit him. If you ask me, that's pretty random.

The thing is, I thank God for his friendly spontaneous offer and just the few days I spent with his large family and his friends, doing things that was truly 'American' and things I realised I just ignored despite spending two years here. I mentioned not having touched a football, I mentioned not understanding what the deal was with children in children books complarining about yard work and mowing the lawn. But it was more than the American experience, God bringing me to such a large family, showed me what a blessing it was to have siblings that were of the close age and to be able to fool around/play around. And it's just all these random reflections that made the trip so memorable.

and I really thank Andrew for extending such a warm welcome, as well as all the people I met in Franklin. Andrew is seriously a great guy with a disarming smile and has the similar tendencies like my second sis to want to please every single person around him. haha. but yeah, thanks for all the 'talking about God' sessions and just having someone (finally!) to just chat about life, about God despite us being from two different worlds.

So yeah.. that's about it I share now.. my life is still a work a progress, hopefully that I will give it up for God to shape and chisel. =)

next stop: Louisville, Kentucky