bye bye

i've moved. well, hopefully i can sustain a new blog. =)

http://theendangeredsartorialist.wordpress.com/

consumer ironies

hmm have been spending my time in NYC and now DC with my parents, which is kinda like viewing these cities in a more energy-conservative/broader-money perspective (ie. my parents can pay but can't go many places). i've considered some ironies of life this trip..

-why manufacture sports clothing in xxxl? honestly its kind of exasperating to traipse up to like filene's basement (yes, i know cheapskate) and see rows of rows of athletic apparel with no sizes less than xl... gee

-on a related point, i was sorely tempted to buy a bought talking about the psychology of consumerism at the strand (apparently some cheaper, rare-book repository on route to east village. hmm.. how are u supposed to sell a book like buy-ology?

-whoever designed the national mall in DC must have so giant-blood or something. honestly, with the brutal weather of 33 degrees, it is kinda tough to walk the stretch of the mall even once. but then, its kinda perfect for a good run at night -- scenic and iconic.

- i had my french food fix! and surprisingly, it was at the cafe at national gallery, serving a french buffet with coq au vin, chocolate mousse, ratatouille, fromages , quiche and onion soup.. le chomp, le chomp, le yummmm

reminiscing ctown food =)

its the last night before graduation. before everyone leaves and heads off to do their own shit.. omg.. its starting to hit

jeff katz convocation speech got me thinking really about these four years. what i would remember, and what i would treasure from these four years.

i remember..

cafe pacific, for the meetup with the paris gals, hearing slyvia's endlessly entertaining stories and teasing caitlin relentlessly. =)

aladdins, for justine's mispronunciation, bringing my elder sis there to eat

plum tree, for trying out all the amazing fusion sushi with evelyn, for that cweepy server, for sake bombing experiences, the first in freshmen year that resulting in the hilarity of ernest blind wrestling people and the second in senior year of which caitlin was too embarrased too eat. lol

sangam's for the weekly after-church lunches, wen jun finally finding his mamak food replacement @ ithaca, celebrating heidi's bday dinner

four seasons for the first ever meal out in freshmen year with huilin and other seniors, and then the many many many times we went to eat the bento box during lunches, and of course, justin copying me in getting soon tofu chige everytime

vic/bern/shihao's house for the amazing parties and awesomest food, from the delicious cheesecake brownie to the recent lobster. mmm

for apollo, despite everyone's misgivings for it, i stayed through to it and it fed me for two years straight, and with the freshies insisting on going there for routine midnight snacks

for vietnam, with hk people routinely bringing me there, lester intro-ing me to beef cubes, getting discounts via hksa =)

for little thai house, the one time we bravely decided to try it wasnt that bad eh, michelle?

for ruloffs, hmm senior week brunch champagne sucked, i remember a meal there with sheryl in which we lamented/bitched/complained about everything under the sun, oh! and for the surprisingly entertaining sink the pitcher sessions with hksa

for CTB, bringing the freshies there, intro-ing jy to bronx bagel, intro-ing leonard to my fav tuna melt, getting my favourite lox with cream cheese as well as yoghurt parfait, and thinking all the way back to first day of prepare in freshmen year where i first met christina/sheryl/jm and co.. and yeah i thought sheryl was so dao then.. but she was just sleepy, for the outdoors beer/sangria drinking sessions with amanda/justin/lester/steph/ronald/ken kuk and justin insisting on playing with my camera or playing angry birds. lol

for green cafe, the many chill out sessions with alex, the endless smoothies and then the eventual fall of it

hmm.. did i miss out any? oh.. coco's for budae jigae, asian noodle house for an initial good impression followed by the souring with alex's inedible chicken rice and then just plain annoyance at the owner's apparent hatred from asians. lol.. oh.. jack's grill for pulled pork sandwich at midnight

haha.. what fun times.. =)

parting thoughts, part 1

well.. im sitting at the blue lounge typing this shit whilst waiting for my download of windows 7 to finish.. lol.. getting everything i can get before time runs out.

so many thoughts of these four years, so many different experiences, so many different people, so many changes.. i've wondered how to start a semi-reflection of these years.. hmmz.. maybe i'll just do the top 10 most memorable things in my cornell life. (try) can't even rank them it seems

(not in any order)

#1 - tfd to paris

omg.. the city of love, so baguettes, crepes, strawberry tarts, angelina's amazing hot chocolate, the latin quartier cafe where we had amazing french salad, the zomggg chocolate place near centre pompidou, the most amazing experience of climbing up the eiffel tower at night with the sparkly lights, then racing down with caitlin and getting a nutella drenched waffle right by the riverside, the many epiphanies whilst gasping at the many familiar impressionist paintings in the Musee D'orsay, our many escapades AT NIGHT walking back from marais half dazed and trying to figure out where parmentier was. =) really, the epic highlight of that summer, nothing tops paris. i think that justified the whopping cost (sigh) and the choice to do A&S.. hmm steph, leonard, jy, cheehao im so so envious of u guys.

#2 - iceland trip

singing jay chou songs in Reykjavik whilst trying to hobble back to our amazing hostel, the many hot dogs, the breathtaking, awesome scenery especially at the falls, our many mishaps with the stupid cars getting stuck in snow and sand, our ridiculous time-wasting car games naming movies, sheryl getting drunk and finding jm's face inexplicably funny, the blue lagoon experience where interestingly the guys stayed much longer than the girls, the miserable first day. =)

hmm.. my d/l seems to be done.. =) k more soon.

epic slope day

and its not because of drake.

ahh.. i don't wanna grow up. =) so funnn

last two weeks

can i say something.. i'm so glad, grateful for this semester and the many things that have happened when i just contrast it to last yr spring. thank God. seriously.

the last two weeks of my academic career sees me potentially having to hobble to school everyday with a sprained ankle (*grumble fun in the sun grumble), rushing out 2 presentations, 2 more final papers, 1 mega-project, going for grad night, grad night after-party, slope day and the many little events that perhaps will make everything seemingly come full circle.

then its graduation and a whole new life soon. work life.

one part of me wants to move forward in life, knowing that 4 years has really been quite enough.. there arent any other courses I really want to take anymore, my interests have settled, i've done enough on the list of to-dos in cornell to be satisfied, and well.. i think it's time.

yet one part of me misses the solid bunch of friends i've made this yr, friends i will leave behind, the amazing breathtaking scenery, the need to wear fashionable cool fall/winter clothes, going on silly road-trips, playing 3 hour tennis, having 'tonite's gonna be a good nite' house parties for no real reason whatsoever.. hmm... haha its really been a fun year.

i came into this year telling myself i would do everything that's needed, meet with everyone left so that my experience here would be rich and fulfilling.. but honestly, i've come to realise that what matters is really enjoying and savoring the every minute left here regardless of what you do, what food you eat etc.. there's a point in compelling yourself to complete everything on the cornell to-do list, but there's an equivalently strong point to still relax.. chill and just hang out with friends you're gonna miss. =)

life's interesting.

things i will miss from cornell

#1 clocktower

maybe this blog still has some life in it

omg.. i was looking back at some posts of the yesteryear... how nostalgic!!!!

haha.. ok maybe i'll continue this for future memory sake.. =)

of snowstorms and gastronostorms

omg.. its been so long that the blog is dead. but i guess im kinda nostalgic today =) (read: bored out of my wits studying from behavioral econ)

some things of note

(1) hobz made some pretty darn delicious almond jelly + white fungus + tangerine concoction that managed to make me willing to make the trek all the way up north despite having a prelim the next morning. call that dedication to good food. heh

(2) somehow, things somewhat do come full circle. a snowstorm harkening back to the days of 2007 when school was cancelled [but my ece 2100 lab wasn't] hit ithaca this year, dumping tons of snow back on the terrain. interestingly, the snow at greek peak SUCKED, giving me my first minor injury of the season with some strained arm muscles (*annoyed). well, i did what i didnt do in 2007, went sledding, snowball fighting and what have you not. life does give you second chances it seems. =)

(3) party @ vic and bern's place was pretty chill, though it was more a gastronomic thing that a alcoholic thing.. lol. loved the marble cheesecake brownies and i vow to try to make it someday. along with that pineapple cheesecake that amanda made. grr..

(4) did i mention i'm bored of studying? lol. though, the realization that i pretty much have only 3 months more to study is kinda appalling. z0mg

(5) photography class rules!


--frank

quick! before i forget

things i learnt from my chicago roadtrip

1. don't explain miraculous one hour gains by daylight savings. you'll regret it on the way back. lolz
2. CHECK the frigging weather forecast. (cf sheryl)
3. bring spare tires. zomg.
4. policemen are CUNNING at night. when kanna tailgate by any car, just slow down.

must say.. despite all the mishaps.. this was a super fun trip!

something old, something new

so its been a week back in ithaca.. omg.. how things feel different yet so familiar at the same time.. its like me peering into 130c and yet not feeling a sense of comfort of home anymore, or strolling round collegetown realizing home is a literal stone throw's away. =)

school's starting in a few days. i can't help saying it, but im actually excited. =)

reflections from the tortured soul

its 3 days before i head back to ithaca.. really mixed feelings though, for those who know me, i pretty much went off the deep end the previous semester and carried all the festering issues to paris and subsequently back to singapore..

singapore has been great though. i've learnt alot. had alot of quiet time, lots of time to think, dissect, understand, feel hurt, resolve issues by myself.

things i have realised.

1. i am super competitive. some people might go 'duh' at this statement but honestly, i figure im so competitive that it actually hurts me. i dun enjoy what would otherwise be leisure sports, i compete in practically every possible thing. you know whats funny, (and to point 2) there was a particular person i once criticised/gossiped in jc to have ruined our friendship by his incessant comparisons and the boiling point was when he blew up when he realised we had similar cca scores even though he felt he hard worked much harder for it (well i don't deny that.. blame the system dun blame me) . competitiveness.. hmm.. i figure it actually stems from a sense of pride. pride that, instead of being manifested outward, is directed inward into a form of self-loathing, self berating and never allowing one to feel like.. 'ok you tried your best, frank, chill.' no, its a never-ending self chatisement, sense of incompleteness and incompetence, and of course it was not helped by the fact that i was honestly awed by the achievements of my close friends last semester.

thing is, it really boils down to pride. honestly, when we consider ourselves unworthy even when God has specifically said that he loves us the way we are.. then.. i wonder what sort of message we are trying to establish. what can't I accept myself as a beautiful, completed-with-God product that can be fully used as a vessel for Christ as long as I am willing to submit my will to Him?

2. it leads to the fact that I've come to recognise there's alot of bitterness within me, even as I establish a congenial, happy, and at times nonchalant demeanor. the bitterness manifests in one manner - my incessant gossiping and badmouthing of other individuals. i told sheryl that I got the feeling that we start gossiping mainly when we had a sense of bitterness and insecurity within our hearts and more often than not the exact topic we gossip about, or the people we gossip about are the exact issues that we often feel bitter about. its either that, or that there's a really twisted karmic retribution effect that attempts to place us in the exact situation of the people we gossiped previously of. i felt this so definitely this semester that it was like a proverbial slap across the face everytime i realised how my gossiping came back full circle to inflict itself on my life.

3. i have an obsessive complex with friends. boils down to my insecurity with being sociable, being within the 'popular crowd', being in the loop of matters. i once told someone i traced this complex to an incident of the past, where i had invited my primary school friends for my birthday party that was to be held in my house. not one came. ok im not being melodramatic, but honestly, it was a confluence of bad planning, a date that coincided with most people's travelling plans or maybe i was really that unlikeable, but it left a scar with me. (i mean it wasnt so bad since all my relatives and stuff where there, and i hadnt like invited alot of friends, but still.. well you get the idea) this lead to a few consequences: (1) i dont hold birthday parties anymore. (2) im deeply insecure about this, and to friends i honestly treasure, i become super neurotic. i expect that the amount of effort, energy, time that i put in would be reciprocated. of course, such a way of throwing my own neuroticisms onto others effective means that i become oversensitive toward my friend's perceived callousness and of course, I get hurt. kinda like a vicious cycle thingy. the thing is, last semester, it really hurt. i don't know when things started deterioriating, maybe when I kept sharing, but you kept placing barriers, walls, barricades, refused to share anything about yourself. then when i started getting neurotic.. well..

4. i really don't give up. honestly, it might seem like a good trait, but when its pretty obvious that the bus have left, the town has shut down and i'm the only one left on the train station, well.. i should errm wake up. thing is, i think i refused to submit to God's will and basically tried every single human alternative to make things work, but of course, things didn't work. in my mind, there's always this fantasy alternative that things would work out, that stuff would be reciprocated, that things could effectively change in an instant. but im wrong. its not that easy, and sometimes, we really have to kill that fantasy alternative and start living our realities.

am i ready for the next semester? well.. God, help me.

reconnecting to singapore

nope, contrary to the post title, i'm far from being done in paris but, it was just a growing realization that i haven't exactly been away from singapore for that long a period temporally, but psychologically, the jump this semester seems particularly pronounced.. maybe its just comes with spending more years away, or maybe its the crowd i've been mixing with, where the collective identity of my batch has shifted away from singapore after being away for so long. i tried to explain it as a sense of growing up and maturing much in us such a way that a quintessential part of my current constructed identity is now inextricably linked to us.. oh wellz.. haha

so, in bid to stop the jargon, errm, i attempted to reconnect with my singaporeaness, by going to xiaxue's blog. (cue massive roll eyes)..

really, apparently the memo that asian's dont do the blonde look well hasn't reached poor miss xiaxue, who honestly looks errm, kinda washed out and just odd. plasticky and fake sprang up to my mind. nevertheless, i trudged on, avoiding the videos, attempting to read some acerbic, catty comments that so characterised her previous entries (errm.. i think i last read them 2 years ago). to my apparent disappointment, the next entry was insanely LONG and just so filled with dross and crap about her prattling about her new blackberry and how she glitzed it up, with non essential photos and just a neverending nightmare of text. man.

gave up with the rest of the blog and attempted to see how lian she actually was when she spoke by watching one of the videos. my verdict? pleasantly surprised. she actually comes off still as pretty genuine and straight up, instead of what i would have expected (along with her look) to be a vapid, self-absorbed, english-mangling lian. i was actually entertained by her honest comments and offhand humoured comments. haha. but aiya.. this isnt exactly the way to connect to singapore... whatefs

paris misadventures - the dance edition

now i know i should be sleeping and stuff, considering i need to clamber out of bed at around 8+ to get rid breakfast/lunch before heading off to tour a whole slew of sites in paris (hehe.. that's homework btw to the jealous cohorts) but then heck it lets recap the few days

this has been nothing but wow.. a whirlwind ride of fun, a sense of having to push ones boundaries, push myself outta my little meek self and haha.. well, a chance to heal from the bruising last semester has brought about. i'm getting there i suppose.

street jazz class was an insane blitz of cardio but a very cool phrase that errm.. honestly i couldn't coordinate my arms and feet too properly for several movements but nonetheless, it was super fun. man, i really wish i could be even remotely flexible, because as it stands, i feel damn paiseh to be like looking as though i'm not even trying when doing some stretches simply because i can't do it and in actuality i'm shaking all over. lol

the alvin-ailey inspired jazz class was the next one i chose to take. it said debutant, which i took to mean easy-peasy warmup introduction to stuff. color me all forms of wtf-ness and just pure shock when the instructor launched into an insane assortments of balletic combinations (given up trying to write them in french) as warmup. note: warmup. -_-. but honestly, the movement phrase was really smooth and beautiful, mixing martial arts fluidity with a certain strength and power in movement. woweee.. i really like it, even though for a second succesive lesson, I was tired and just completely spent.

haha.. hmm that's it for now i guess.. 8 more dance classes to try out different styles.. wonder what i should go for next. lol

more paris misadventures (and yeah i should probably talk about paris itself soon) coming up

regrets and cherishes

hey guys, long time no see/here/talk. i'm currently skulking in a mcdonalds in paris after dejectedly leaving several cafes that featured the most fabulous-looking patisseries and tartes but shocking non-anglais speaking waitresses. boy, i really need to learn french.

its been quite a whirlwind ride from ithaca to frankfurt to london and now paris. crossing the channel on a bus on a train was an interesting ordeal. note i say ordeal because the bus switched off the ventilation and left us in quite a paltry, hot condition. hmm, i dunno, somehow having alot of time in the bus alone set me off reminiscing the past semesters and just.. well cherishing and regretting stuff i guess.

i regret not spending more time with the 909 crowd. lol.. ok that's not taking away the awesome time spent with my housemates and batchmates but just, there's some je nai sais quo (my favourite phrase currently) within the mix and the conversation flows so easy. haiz.. it's upon a sad realization that next semester will feature not one 909-ner or people from my batch/cherie-ian's batch that somewhat feels.. empty. hmmm

i regret being so bloody emo this semester. well, for most part it couldn't be helped. there was emotional trauma and work needed to be done, but somehow i really wish i had been more obvious, active in what i wanted and also not so confused with direction in my life for the most part. the good thing, i think i found my direction in the end. i'll wait for you. =)

i wish i had been more money-smart and not frivolous to the point that money seemt to be like growing from apple trees. it's one thing to act atas for a day and splurge and another to completely believe in the hype and really live it up. my collective bank accounts are screaming out at my recklessness.. =(

hmm that being said, i cherish tons and tons of stuff. to my great friends that characterised my semesters in cornell so far, hats off to you. alex, joel, sheryl, gj, christina haha.. all the crazy nights, the cool meals will be stuff i will remember for quite a long while. =) sadly, most of u will not be around next semester liao.. =( to my dear pals in london as well, ryan, lipen, xiuf, ziyang and so on, wow.. london has been so so so fun with you guys especially at a time where i just need closure and retrospective space. =)

oh wellz.. its time to head on i guess.. paris, ready or not.. here i come.

mental notes to self

1. DO NOT order anything with proscuitto ham in it. proscuitto = salty, salty, salty that not even good restaurants in ithaca and san fran could save it. (well, then again see point 2)

2. the heights is still overrated. both in terms of service and food. i think i'm seriously contemplating never heading back to that place again. first it was the near inedible pork roast dish oozing with tons of fat, then it was forgetting my caramelized sea scallops entree and then dishing up a overly salty proscuitto ham laced chicken with potato gnocchi.

3. maybe its the gnocchi. zzz

4. DO NOT overload the dryer in vp despite how tempting it might be to try to save money and stuff clothes aplenty into the dryer. just because there is space doesnt mean that clothes should be thrown in. zzz

5. if u intend to study, frank, then please switch msn and all other social networking stuff OFF.

6. when we say a short session of tennis, it usually means a minimum of 2 hrs. lol.

i so need to study. omg.

the frank talk show

something annoys me. i honestly have caught the horrible senioritis bug from various sources and boy its chewing my time away by the hours... i blame joel for this mostly. but wow.. in school im in this 'OMG.. I HAVE SO MUCH READING, SO MUCH WORK TO CATCH UP" and yet when i get home i'm watching heroes, playing symphonia, settling bills, going to the gym (not that i mind that), watching make me a supermodel (which is not worth watching) and just.. wasting. my. time. it's as though the singaporean switch i once had has been shut permanently off, or like as though I have like been run off the 'asian' success treadmill. -_-. ah wadever.

aniwez, color me surprised that for yet another week, i floved heroes (thanks fuller!), got annoyed with thalia, got bored by amazing race (though I stood up cheering when tweedledee and dum got slapped with TWO time penalties.. ha ha ha you guys completely deserved it). and heroes.. wow.. i mean, i really felt the dialogue going on, loved peter's speech at the church.. i'm impressed, though slightly annoyed that mohinder is gonna plague my screens next week based on the previews

speaking of senioritis, i mark tuesday's adult psychopathology test as the first test in cornell i could not finish studying due to a confluence of factors. one being i was in a shitty mood. two being i realised in my studies that being depressed meant the shrinking of the prefrontal cortex and the anterior cingulate cortex (yeah this is the part you go wtf frank is SUCH a geek. screw you), which basically implies that our attention span is sapped as a result. -_- three being i was way too tired after the philly trip over the weekend which was yet again a hosts of firsts for me.

philly was a bittersweet experience. went to morimoto for an exorbitant dinner of 150 bucks per pax and thoroughly enjoyed it despite sheryl conviently kopping my term and calling the food underwhelming. went to mambo party in a considerably annoyed mood which led to an aftermath that led people calling me an emo-drunk. I SO AM NOT. and i wasn't drunk. -_- enjoyed the fine company nonetheless, it was such a crazy night. i've realised what a big hypocrite i am (i'm saying this so no one can go reading this and scoff and say the exact same critique of me), but like i realised i've been so condemining of going partying, drinking somewhat because it is something precisely that i don't get to do much. and so when i actually get the chance, err.. hmm.. i kinda plunge headlong. which kinda makes me a bit sad. i did think that it was a pretty shitty testimony i put out during some parts of the trip. oh wellz. it's also kinda scary because i was telling joel that actually i would be willing to try pretty much anything (ok CHILL IT, i don't exactly mean it, or at least it's not like i would have much of a chance)

i think this sem in general has really been like having a hard HARD look at myself and like understand the shit that goes on in me. i'm super flawed in many ways. i get obsessive with friends way too easily. i talk too much. way too much and gets misintepreted as being annoying. or maybe i'm just plain annoying. lol. i hate keeping secrets but love hearing them. lol. i could care less about alot of people. it's perhaps in a very candid way i say these things, but yeah.. i have much to learn, to change. i'm so easily influenced by people, despite me saying i want it MY WAY. i'm super confused about ALOT of things. alex can testify to that. joel probably can too.

haha.. ok im gonna sleep. zonked out.

america's next top maid

yay i'm back! back emotionally at least.. wow.. this semester has really been.. well.. i think interesting is too mild to describe. well, it's been filled with pain, sorrow, anguish but yeah, hopefully now it's time for renewal, healing and chockful of God's grace and love. lol... ok i'm being cryptic.

aniwez, here's some rants i've stored up from watching a whole slew of TV shows

- thalia would you PLEASE LEAVE MY SCREEN. honestly, i'm not trying to be insensitive to burn victims but the fact remains that if you WEREN'T a burn victim, your chance of getting onto ANTM would be MUCH lesser than is the case now. you're NOT modelesque, so just look into the mirror, face the facts and stop whining! omg.. thalia makes me think the M of the show's title is Maid. -_-

- amazing race bores me. moving along. and btw, i still wanna rant about CBS' inane decision to put TAR at 8.00pm sundays because it ANNOYS the heck out of me that i try to watch the show at 8.00pm but get to see old farts on 60 minutes spew verbose trash at me for nearly an hour.

- heroes seems to be finally getting back on course thanks to a certain mr fuller. loved tracy's frozen carpark scene but HATES the fact that just about every single interesting, fun, female in the show has been killed (r.i.p elle, daphne, tracy, nikki, eden, candace) whilst who have a whole slew of useless males running amok on the streets (yes I mean you Mohinder)

- big bang theory. yay for nerds! haha

i KNOW i'm supposed to blog about my trip. but i really do have tons of work. so we'll see. zzz

the anatomy of an spring break - photo-preview

haha.. hopefully i can finally actually blog out my spring break without it halting at the first slew of people-less shots. i humbly present the grande tour to iceland.. =)



pingvellir, or what they call parliament rock. i had to take my emo dusk shots


view atop pingvellir


visitor center atop pingvellir. my first attempt at this was a disaster bcos my 'models' just stood there without any hand motions and the likes. lol


nice shoes


lake @ pingvellir. apparently singapore is 8 times the size of this lake.


our rented cars. there was so much drama over the cars, from getting stuck in mud, snow, sand, getting parking tickets, getting stopped by police, getting impounded. you get the idea


gulfoss. amazingly beautiful place


some random bridge in the middle of nowhere


skogar falls peeking out


i spy a rainbow


view from climbing skogar


nippon paint skies, rainbow, waterfall. what more could u ask for?


emo shot 2 @ black sand beach


another perspective. here was where i took my super-poser shot that's now proudly on my facebook. shameless aint i


hali


ice lagoon. we went there to see seals, but the scenery was pretty remarkable. it was like walking in a snow desert


shadow shot number 2


snow desert part 2


some people found the buildings in iceland boring. i felt they perfectly complemented the surroundings


shadow shot number 3! this time in skatafel whilst walking on a glacier


ice cave


omg we walked 4 hours for this shot of an unknown canyon -_-


in Tjornin, Reykjavik


view from a kitschy restaurant where i had fish number 1: cod. (fyi, the next meal was halibut, followed by pliace, followed by wolf fish, followed by salmon. ahhh life)


swan lake. ok lame


around blue lagoon. i couldn't be bothered taking picture within blue lagoon cos it was just. so. damn. shiok to just relax around the waters


cutesy Reykjavik art


the landmark of Reykjavik in scaffolding. -_-.. off-season foibles


more Tjornin


ok thats it for the peopleless shots. hopefully more coming up

paints and psychoanalysis

hmm.. i feel like readers of my blog have endured so much flak of me being melodrama, cryptic and such that its time i write something that hopefully is really heartfelt (something that I have probably not done for awhile)

i realise how interesting life is with emotions. it is as though life is a blank canvas with our daily events sketched on by an artist's pen before emotions come to give it the color, the bravura, the fortissimos and the pianissimos. but yet we do have to realise, as emotional people, that our color palettes dont only consist of the brightest of hues but also the impenetrable darkness of blacks and greys. somedays we get the bright hues, but we all do noe that there are certain issues that come a-knocking at times that upsets the entire jar of black ink and sloshes the canvas with a murky black that seems to cover everything. nothing seems to be working. everything seems tainted.

hmm.. i dunno how to continue this. but i think the thing is - i dun regret the way i am made up. yes, the inky blackness seems irrational and melodramatic. but i get to taste the poignant sorrows of other people's issues, i get to emphatize with others in their sorrows, and i also get the contrasting joys. and i like that. something tells me i really wanna be a psychotherapist. a christian psychotehrapist. is that possible?

haha. enuff said. if i made u worried over my previous post, i'm sorry. i'm really really fine now. =)