reflections of the past semester

-emo post alert-

time in vancouver has been invaluable and incredibly refreshing, time spent with my parents and sis (thou i sorely miss my eldest sis as well) and without my own computer and dota, i have had more time to reflect and just appreciate stuff

honestly, i wasn't really happy with the previous semester because to me i accomplished zilch besides my academics stuff.. i kinda preload my semester with expectations and resolutions then lack the courage and determination to carry it through. plus for the semester, i spent most my spent worrying about my tutorials, doing my tutorials then reeling from the disaster that was my tutorials.. and also being lazy at home.. this kinda is not what i signed up for, not what i sold 6 years of my life for and certainly not the reason why i came to america for.

plus, what disappoints me was how i threw all concern of spiritual stuff and physical health stuff outta the window this semester and just blitzed past everything..

so yeah, it is with such thoughts that i brace myself for the upcoming semester. it's not hard to guess what things i'm gonna be resolu-ting for.. so i wouldn't bother. what i would be bothered, would be to really give thanks to God for my family and really appreciate them...

during one QT session, i wrote this down on my iphone-

if there is anything i really thank God for, it is for the amazingly great family he has put me into - each building me up in different ways- my mum being the pivotal support in my formative years and for inculcating good discipline as well as being steadfast in God and being such a diligent, smart and yet humble and thoughtful mother. for Dad, with his self sacrificial ways and his great love for his children, and his undivided love for God. my elder sis, for showing me how human love between husband and wife is such a beautiful and amazing thing that it shapes both individuals to be more christlike. and finally for my emotive lovable secod sis, who has struggled through so much in her life yet through her life and her chatter, has taught me many valauble lessons about God.

of course, at this point i kinda realize how i've been super lazy about appreciating others who have done so much for me and yet i've been quite the jerk in procrastinating and not replying to emails, gifts and stuff

to alvin and co (you know who u all are), thanks for the great support through the JC and post-JC years and being there for me even when i was being difficult and stuff, and especially alvin, for showing me how a great devoted friend ought to be with his cards and stuff. really, sometimes i complain and get so hurt about investing much in friendships and stuff and then i realise i'm also a great perpertrator in such acts as well.. so forgive me as well.. =)

to my cousin chrystal, who always bought me stuff and listened to me yak about silly pop-culture stuff, i really thank you for being such a great couz and friend and yeah, i will pray for you for your growth in God.

to friends that I've gone hi-bye with through msn, army, sch and stuff and just haven't had the time to re-connect and rejuvenate the friendship, i truly apologize and really hope that yeah.. there's the emotional space and time to maintain such great friendships and memories

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i've was complaining in orlando florida that i have had issues, that i was being emo and that i had childhood scars, but honestly, reflecting so much on my life, i realize how blessed i am and how unfair am i to say such stuff about my 'childhood'. indeed, i felt like i never lived up to any thing in RI/RJ and was distraught with my physical inabilites, and just overall pasty, unfavourable demeanor. but then i remember the good friends i made, and just the experiences and lessons i have learnt and am i still learning and yeah.. maybe there is a point to it. indeed, i was extremely distraught with my not being able to join odac in rj, and then the being sent to obese company in army but then as i was recounting my time in gryphon coy, i really enjoyed my time there, made GREAT friends and never once felt insecure about my weight/image or stuff. indeed, there was a regrettable sense of superiority that times which i am disgusted as ii reflect, because you guys there built me up as well and we supported each other towards common goals, so yeah, forgive me as well if u felt slighted by me..

... wow.. feels like pandora box is opened.. lol.. but well.. i'm glad i can share such stuff. these ARE my many 'childhood scars' and issues as i so have proclaimed but well.. i think these are more like obstacles and stepping stones that i had to navigate in order to grow up and really learn to be more like Christ. i am proud to say that going to gryphon was probably one of the best gifts God gave me even though i was so chagrined when i initially heard of it. but i do realize that there are many hurts that are still hurting, that i cannot yet resolve. ri chronicles still hurt honestly sometimes.. because i felt like i did nothing except get fat and study. the whole friendship falling out thing hurts like HELL and i'm still learning.

i'm still work in progress, but well, who isn't? may the next sem be more illumianting and may 2008 be a year where i follow closely to God's words and lead a disciplined lifestyle.

-end of emo post- lol.