american chinese food

you know, after eating vancouver chinese food (well, practically weeping in joy over its authenticity and flavour), i've come to the conclusion that american chinese food belong to one special category of its own. haha.. right between tv dinners and badly cooked food.

ok i'm being mean, but honestly i think chinese american food has deviated so far from its original inspirations, then it honestly forms another whole food genre of its own..

the food you encounter in american chinese cuisine:

1. pork roll - translates to measly pork balls stuffed into bandages of unpalatable flour and fied in stale oil. avoid at all costs. honestly.

2. soup before the meal - only 3 choices, either wonton, hot and sour soup or the puzzlingly named egg drop. when i mentioned egg dropped to my sis, she said it reminded her of bird droppings.. so.. hmmz.

3. some form of poultry or farm animal. usually either chicken with general tso's sauce, sweet and sour sauce, sesame sauce, or some other tangy, sticky paste that's a variant of the above. honestly, sometimes i can't taste the difference and probably there isn't any. the sauce attempts to be so thick and overpowering that you taste nothing else besides it. and honestly, who is general tso?? honestly, at the rate his chicken is being served at chinese restaurants, i think he would be the most famous chinese personality in the US

4. JUMBO shrimp - which means a normal prawn. which i then would wonder what they would call a tiger prawn. the shrimp that ate manhattan? ...

5. dessert - what do you expect? fortune cookies. well actually fortune cookies are quite delicious unless of course you get those that have been stashed in some box for millions of years and taste like stale plastic. eww..

6. moo goo gai pan. don't ask me. i never figured out whether this was a mispelling typical of such places or i dunno. maybe moo goo was the wife of mr. tso?

7. the chopsticks!! honestly this issue was discussed in my freshmen writing class once and we had a great laugh about it. its found everywhere where chinese food is served and is unmissable with its gawdy red and yellow coloring. one side teaches the individual how to use the chopsticks whilst the other slaps of some chinese ideograms and has words going like - welcome to the Chinese culture. enjoy the hertiage and glorious culutre as you enjoy the foo.

yeah.. some variant of it or what...

but well.. what can i say? beggars ain't choosers and so when i head back to paltry ithaca and crave for my chinese food, guess where i'd be heading? lol...